If you were ever going to abandon me you would have done then, the midnight hour in the Garden of Gethsemane where you agonized over what lie ahead. You saw the moment when the deplorable acts of your rebellious creation would be credited to You and You would feel the shame of unrighteousness before a Holy God. My sin was there lying heavy upon your back, but You thought of me and You pressed on.
If you were ever going to abandon me You would have done it then, when they beat you & put a crown of thorns upon Your head. They mocked you, laughing at the inconceivable thought that You could be the King of the Jews. How small and foolish their thinking was to limit the King of the Universe to an earthly reign. Just as they refused Your Lordship you knew I would too in the moments when I would seek my own glory instead of dying to self. Even in that moment when you saw my dissention, Your mercy extended and You endured.
If you were ever going to abandon me You would have done it then, when You hung upon the cross as the cruel and evil crowd taunted You to save yourself. Little did they know, You could have called a legion of angles to come and deliver you, but instead, you stayed the heavenly host and forbade them to interfere. The crowd could not understand that the greatest power of the Almighty God is Your power to love a destitute sinner like me. A sinner that would too often tremble with fear and agonize with worry forgetting that the Omnipotent One is for me and not against me. You saw me, and You stayed.
I sent you to the cross and you willingly went. You endured it all knowing that I was not worth it. No, you did not leave me then so I know you will not leave me now. The proof that You will not abandon me is evident in the cross.
This week in Bible study we have been looking at John 6. Jesus feeds the 5000, walks on water, and speaks some very hard yet glorious truth. The crowd was amazed and then disappointed when Jesus didn’t preform according to their plan. Here are a few truths I learned:
I AM the crowd. I don’t like to admit it, but I am. It is very easy for me to look at the disciples or the crowd of 5000 and think, “Why can’t they just get it?” My prideful self forgets to recognize that they show the reality of the human condition. Our default is to make ourselves the center of the universe, and to make God into our own image. The crowd wanted to put Jesus in a box that would work best for them and He refused to be what they wanted. He would, however, be who they needed Him to be. How often do I want Jesus to behave the way I want Him to? If am honest, I have to say most all of the time.
I CANNOT do it.When Jesus asked disciples, “How are we going to feed all these people?” He was looking for one response. We can’t. God calls me to do something and one of two things happen. One, I tell Him all the reason why that is impossible or two, I charge off in my own strength to fail miserably. God wants me to respond, “God I can’t do that but if that is what you want to happen then I am going to watch expectantly while You show up and do something that only You can do.”
I NEVER have to walk away from God empty handed.The crowd wanted something from Jesus but He would not give them what they asked for. Instead He offered them something better. He offered abundance that is only found in Him. Why do I find myself asking, “Why won’t You give me what I want?” when I should be asking, “God show me what you have for me. Give me Your abundance.”
EVERYTHING hinges on faith.Jesus tells the crowd, “Your work is to believe.” This is not belief that is a head knowledge of agreement. This is belief that grows into faith that knows God is real, and faith like this changes the way you behave and think. This kind of faith wars against the doubt that creeps into your heart in moments of adversity and this faith clings to the reality that God’s kingdom though unseen is more real than the decaying world we live in.
These truths are rockin’ my world. They are simple truths but if lived out they have the power to change everything.
Well, it’s been a year, a hard year, a striping year, an
exhausting year, bottom line…a defeating year. We left Thailand moved back to
the states for a new ministry assignment at the home office in North Carolina
and shortly after arriving EVERYTHING fell apart. So, we found ourselves in our
home country but still far from home. Friends and family are in Texas and we
are not. Finances changed dramatically, and our expenses far outweighed our
income. And, God was closing the door on our ministry. We were broken. In every
way, broken.
It is interesting to me how people react to adversity and
struggle. Some people fall apart (and rightly so). Some people go into denial,
as if pretending it isn’t happening will alter reality. I come from a long line
of deniers. Some go into fix it mode. That’s me. I have seen my share of
struggle and adversity. As the daughter of an alcoholic and a drug addict,
crisis has always been the status quo. When the going got tough I would pull
myself up by the boot straps and get busy handling it (can you tell I’m from
Texas?).
Through the years, people have been amazed at how seemingly unaffected
I have been by trouble. My response to them has always been, “I’m fine. Life is
a challenge for everyone.” And this was true until this time. It took me to
June to admit, “I’m not fine.” I wasn’t anywhere near fine.
The thing that finally convinced me that I was on a very
slippery slope was the anger I felt toward God. Now, I know that God is not
afraid of my anger. It is a very human response to hardship to blame the
Sovereign One who could keep us safe and protected. He and I have had many
conversations over the years about my very strong emotions to what He has
allowed in my life, but the anger I felt this time was different. In the past I
have been able to vent my feeling and then rely on His provision. Rant at the
circumstance and then trust in His goodness. This time I couldn’t. In my heart
I had turned my back on God and every time He reached out His hand, I would
defiantly avoid His touch. It was a dark place and I sat in it refusing the
light.
Today, I am on a journey out of that place. I cannot say
that I have fully allowed the light of God’s presence invade all the dark
corners of my heart, but at least He and I are working on it. I hope to journal
my journey and share it with you. I warn you it could get messy but if you want
to tag along I will promise you that it will be very real.
It Doesn't Matter Where We are From, America, Korea, Pakistan, Canada and We ALL Love Jesus!
When I started attending a Evangelical Free Church after years of serving in the Southern Baptist Denomination I thought I was living on the edge of diversity. After all staying home on Sunday and Wednesday evening felt almost like sacrilege. I quickly got used to one trip to church a week and my husband finally felt redemption after missing The Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday night TV all those years as a child. We still love our Southern Baptist roots and honestly have chosen keep their way of thinking on certain topics but have also enjoyed getting to know people who love Jesus just as much as we do who do not think the same. I guess you could say that move 16 years ago was the first time I saw how culture effects the Christian church. Now, living overseas, I can honestly say that bit of diversity was just the tip of the iceberg!
In January I began a Bible study in my home. I reached out to a handful of my oh so much like me Western friends and then gave them the freedom to invite others as well. What I ended up with really took me by surprise. Our group is a melting pot of countries and culture with one common denominator, we all love Jesus. I am adorn all of my new friends and feel honored and privileged that they come to my home.
This week’s study was full of deep and interesting conversations. One topic of debate was baptism. For the first time I had to think about this ordinance of the church from a different perspective. For me I have always felt baptism was important but really pretty normal. When my children were baptized no one thought any thing other than, isn’t that nice. In Jesus’s day baptism identified you with that controversial Jesus guy that was crucified as a criminal. My friend from Pakistan can understand this fact a little bit better than I can because being a Christian is something that makes you a trouble maker in the midst of their culture. After all, they are in Thailand because their home was burned to the ground for just that reason.
We all look at the world and scriptures from a different point of reference. That reference is influenced by your countries’ culture whether it be Korean, Pakistani, Thai, or American, and it is influenced by your church’s culture like denominations. Jesus’ church is extremely diverse yet over and over we are challenged to be one with each other. This is where things get difficult.
It has been very fitting that we have been studying Philippians and Colossians. Over and over again Paul is reminding the two churches don’t get away from the most important thing, Jesus. So often, I forget this and get caught up in how other people are doing life and church. If they don’t think and do like me then they must be doing it all wrong. Honestly, I was extremely convicted with Paul’s attitude toward others who were preaching the gospel with wrong motives. He basically said, “So what? Don’t worry about how they are preaching. If they are preaching Jesus, let them preach!”
I am grateful that God is stretching my narrow mindedness even though it is painful at times. I do want to be one with all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to quit judging and start seeking God’s heart. I want to encourage my fellow believers to seek Him, too. I want to get back to the basics of loving God and loving others.
My first writing project here in Thailand is to create a training for our foundations Child Protection Policy. As I have done research on the Biblical foundation for child protection these words came to mind.
A simple question was asked, but the answer the disciples received was not what they were expecting. “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom?” They looked to Jesus wit hopeful expressions waiting for Him to point them out as His best and most worthy disciple. Jesus, however, did not look to them but instead He called a child to come and stand before them. Jesus’ reply, “To be great…you must be like this child.”
A child loves for no reason. A child trust without cause, and faith is not something they must learn because it naturally flows from within. This innocence is who they are before the world has had a chance to sully them. He gives a harsh warning for anyone who does anything to steal this gift from a child. Cause a child to hate, to fear, to doubt and you are better off dead. Jesus charges us to do whatever we can to come against the sin in this world that corrupts the innocence even if it leaves us broken and wounded.
What we do for a child we do for God Himself. They are his proxy in this world. Love a child, you love Him. Bless a child, you bless Him. Protect a child, you have allied yourself with the God of the Universe.
Jesus warns us to not look down on a child and to not forget them. Whatever we are doing, the safety and welfare of a child takes precedence. Jesus says leave the 99 to find and save the one. Leave the important things that we are working on, and save the little one, help a child. If children should be our greatest priority why is it we so often see them as a something that gets in the way of ministry? Do we, like the disciples, push them aside and tell them to be quiet in our ministries and in our homes? Or do we simply forget to think about them at all?
To Jesus, children are not an after thought but very important to our work in the Kingdom. God’s plan for this world is not about an individual or a moment in time, but instead, His plan is about generations and eternity. Both God’s discipline and loving kindness carry to the generations that follow so we should not forget that all that we do impacts them.
(thoughts from Matthew 18: 1-14, Mark 10:13-16, Exodus 10:5-6 )
It is no secret that I am NOT a singer, and in the past I have been accused of being tone deaf. This label has never really bothered me but my recent endeavor to learn the Thai language has left me wishing I were a bit more musical.
Just as music relies upon tones, the Thai language is tonal. This means that the meanings of words are often tied to the tone you use when saying them. For example:
Khaw means rice when said with a falling tone.
Khaw means him or her when said with a middle tone.
Khaw means white when said with a rising tone.
Confused yet?? You.Have.No.Idea. My time with my Thai teacher goes something like this:
Teacher: Khaw (with a falling tone)
Me: Khaw (With what I think is a falling tone)
Teacher: Khaw (With the exact same tone as I just said)
Me: Khaw (once again, I repeat exactly what she has just said)
Teacher: Khaw (with a very deliberate falling tone)
Me: Khaw (For the third time, I repeat a word that sounds exactly like what the teacher has said but now I say it really slow and loud because that’s what you do in the south when you are trying to make someone understand what you are saying)
Teacher: (Finally giving up) Okay, you just need to keep practicing
The problem is…I can’t hear the difference! Obviously, what my teacher is hearing is NOT what I am hearing. I really am tone deaf! Yes, I get frustrated but I will not give up!
The one thing I know I need to do is practice, so I have committed to use Thai as much as I can. This has caused me a bit of trouble. Like one day when our landlord brought over two workers to harvest the bananas that are growing in our yard. My Southern hospitality kicked in and I wanted to offer them something to drink. I walked out on to our carport and said to one of the workers, “Hang Nam?” He stopped in his tracks and looked at me a bit confused. I thought he must not have heard me so I repeated, “Hang Nam?” The look he gave me in return went beyond confusion to awkwardly uncomfortable. That look triggered the realization that all though I thought I was saying, “Thirsty?” I was really saying, “Bathroom?” Yes, I wish I could blame it on tone, but I was saying the wrong word entirely. I can’t image what the poor guy thought, “Who is this crazy white lady who is encouraging me to go to the bathroom??”
My attempts to use Thai leave many scratching their heads. Even when I say the correct word it is often accompanied by the hand signals we use in class to help us remember. There I was standing at a counter trying to explain that I couldn’t find the card the sales person was asking for. I was saying, “Mi haa.” Which means, “I can’t find.” I kept repeating the right words but all the while I am using my hands as if I am digging in the dirt. Again, the salesperson is looking at me as if I have lost my mind! Maybe, I have!
I will keep trying and I am sure I will have many more stories of embarrassing encounters. I will continue to be the strange white lady who says inappropriate things and acts like a crazy person, but one day by the grace of God I will be able to communicate. Until then I will be careful not to call my repairman (chang) an elephant (chang), and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to offer someone a drink without having a potty mouth!
We are back in Chiang Mai and Elvis is in my head. Before you panic and think that culture shock has finally sent me over the edge there is a very good reason why Elvis has taken up residence. We have one English radio station and their idea of what Westerners listen to is a little off. Happy Radio (now when you say this you have to draw out the endings in your best foreign accent “Happyyyy Radioooo”) plays English songs for a good portion of the day but rarely are the songs from this century. Thais must think that Bob Denver, Karen Carpenter and Elvis are currently in the top 40. I will say the Elvis theme is a bit unusual. We haven’t quite figured this out. Now I enjoy Elvis, however, this is ALL they play. I never knew, nor did I want to know how many songs Elvis recorded.
A couple of days ago I woke in the night with “Return to Sender” playing in my head. As I laid there hoping, praying the concert would end and I could go back to sleep I began thinking how strange it was. Strange, not that our radio station is from a time long forgotten, but strange that it all felt so normal. Just one short year ago I was experiencing life here for the first time and let me tell you NOTHING WAS NORMAL. I can remember walking in the grocery store staring at the isles (yes, I mean multiple) of rice and fish sauce wondering how in the world I was going to feed three teenage boys. We ate out at any and every western restaurant we could find for weeks. This time, as soon as we landed I walked in the grocery store, filled my basket with things my children would consume, came home, and cooked dinner. What a difference a year makes.
We have become comfortable here, and Thailand is now our home. This is a good thing. This is a goal for every missionary, but for me it has come with a very uncomfortable realization, I adapted too well to my surroundings. Because of this, I have adapted to and completely receive this world in which I live when scripture clearly teaches it is NOT MY HOME. In those first days here in Thailand everything was foreign and uncomfortable and we longed for our real home. Do I long for my heavenly home? Most days…no. Rarely do I find this world uncomfortable and when I do…I conclude something is REALLY wrong and set about to fix it at all cost.
Maybe being uncomfortable is a good thing? Maybe, just maybe, fitting in should not be our goal? Maybe that night God gave me the song “Return to Sender” as an invitation. He wants me to return to Him. He wants us all to come to Him because of a deep longing within our souls, a need to be home in Him.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words and the photos I took at Jon and I’s recent excursion to a Lahu village in Northern Thailand prove it to be true. There are pictures of buildings and animals, dirt roads and dirty shoes which tell us bits and pieces of village life, but the faces that were captured speak volumes. Each face tells a story. So many faces, some smiling, some curious, some dirty, some tired, some bitter, and everyone of them loved by God.
It was my best day in Thailand. I could not help but smile as all the children excitedly ran to our van as we pulled up. They knew we had to come to put on a show and to ultimately give them treats. At the entrance to the small outdoor pavilion mounds of discarded shoes piled high as the children found their places on the floor. The adults came too and mostly stood around the perimeter.
To the audience we were not all strangers. Sure the farangs (foreigners) were unknown but six of the children that came with us had once lived in this very village. For them it was a homecoming. They were excited and a bit scared to be back where life had been so hard. These six children had been destitute. Some living without parental care, and some living in homes where they were in danger. Now these children live at Hope House where they are cared for, educated, and shown the love of Jesus in word and deed.
Our program was all about the love of Jesus. The children from Hope House sang and danced with hearts full of joy which was evident in the smiles that stretched across their faces. In contrast, The audience sat and watched, their faces showing little emotion. As the story of the shepherd and the lost sheep was told I wondered if these children could ever accept that a heavenly father loved them much more than the shepherd loves his sheep. As I looked into their faces I saw that poverty, and hardship are reality and a loving God is fantasy. My heart aches for them to know who my God is. For them to come face to face with Him.
After our program we all helped the children with a quick craft and then passed out treats. We had to keep close track of who had received a treat to prevent them from getting back in line for seconds. Before we could even finish with the children the women of the community pressed in to be the first in line to take from the bags of clothes we had brought. It would be my guess that this is the only way some of these people clothe themselves and their families.
I watched the children leave down the red dirt streets that stretched out in each direction. Both sides were lined with simple bamboo homes. Chickens were free to roam the streets and the few pigs were held in crude pens. I was told that a few of the villagers made a living picking crops for the King’s agricultural project located nearby but the majority were involved in illegal activities. This village is very close to the Burmese boarder which makes it the perfect location for drug trafficking.
When Jon and I got home early that evening, Kevin asked me, “So how was it?” I replied, “My best day in Thailand!” How could it be that my best day in Thailand came being surrounded by such poverty and hardship? It was the faces. Those faces captured my heart. Being with them made my spirit soar. As a watched them I ask the Lord, “How can I be apart of showing them who You are?”
I don’t have the answer to my question yet, but some things are beginning to change. After this school year I will no longer be teaching at Grace International School. I will be joining the Family Connection Foundation (FCF). FCF in an umbrella foundation for multiple ministries all over Thailand. As part of their team I will be able to help their ministries develop discipleship materials. Exactly who these materials will be for remains to be seen, but maybe, just maybe I will get the chance to go back to that village one day. Next year begins a new adventure. I’m not really sure what it will look like but I am excited. My passion is to show the world who God is and who it is He wants them to become. My prayer is one day I will be able to see the joy of knowing God on the faces of those village children.
One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ Mark 12: 28-30
This week we learn that our motto should be: keep the main thing the main thing but “what is the main thing?” I can’t speak for you but I meet Christians daily that are working so hard to please to God. And as a direct result they are EXHASTED. As if this work that He has invited us to be a part of will collapse without my involvement. After all without my gifts, talents or education this particular ministry will fall apart. I have placed myself in a treacherous place with very loose footing. Some would even say, “You’re Building the ministry on the sand”.
I was reminded of a story in the New Testament.
Luke 10:38-42
38 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with [a]all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
For those of us who relate to Martha be encouraged, Jesus is NOT Disgusted, Angry, Disappointed or even Distant. He is NOT saying, ‘come and I will Ignore you’. “Come to me all that are Thirsty” What great encouragement to share with our boys that ‘Jesus is THE thirst Quencher”. And His thoughts towards us outnumber all the grains of sand in the world. He Loves us.
A passionate love affair with Christ Jesus is the Main thing.
PREVIEW CHAPTER 6: THE WILLING HEART
Question: Do I have a Willing Heart?
Key Verse: For it is God which works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure. Phil 2:13
I am so sorry; we missed most all of December with our team. First we lost our copy of the book and then December took over. Fortunately, we found our copy of the book and December is behind us. Let us press on. By the way I’ve started reading excerpts of the book to my immediate support staff in my weekly leadership meeting. They are very excited.
THE OVERFLOWING HEART
John 7:37-
“Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out. Saying, ‘if any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in me from his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water”.
What happens when you run into a Christian who is “full of God”?
What does a “full of God” person look like? How would we really know if we banged into one of these critters?
Although I agree completely with the examples that Dave Busby sites as examples answering the questions above. I thought I would let hear what was spoken around our dinner table the other night when we asked these questions to our boys.
A little background is important here. In our home there is freedom to laugh at what we call the “Sunday School Answer”. So if these questions are asked in our home you need to be prepared to be laughed at if you sight the “Sunday School” answer which is or something similar too “Dad, you know you will look like Jesus”.
So, the question’s were asked and after we distilled all the “Sunday School Answers” one of our son’s replied “so you would look like the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’”. We had the opportunity to explain that just because you wear the title of “Pastor, or Missionary” does not make you a “Full of God” person. In fact it’s common among Christians to polish the outside of the cup and just pretend that the inside is “full of God”.
So the real question may be, how long has it been since you sat underneath the “fountain of living water” and let Him fill your cup? Are you trying to produce the “Fruits of the Spirit” on your own? Be encouraged we are wired to be thirsty and the one who wired us this way He is also the One who can and does quench our Thirst. The bottom line is....rivers of living water will never flow out of us if they are not flowing into us.
PREVIEW CHAPTER 5: The Passionate Heart
Key Verse Mark 12: 28-30
One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’
Grace International School (GIS) is a complicated mix of culture and custom. There is the international community that consist of students and staff form countries all over the world and then stuck in the middle is a bubble of Thai nationals. There are Thai teachers that of course teach the language and customs of the land and there are Thai administrative staff that help the school stay connected and in tune with the community and government. All of these staff members are Christians. Then there is a third Thai community. What we would call the blue-collar staff, landscaping, security, custodial, and kitchen staff. A few of these staff members are believers but many of them are not. Kevin is the supervisor for most of these areas.
Kevin has truly enjoyed working with and getting know the members of his team and they are enjoying his leadership (completely the grace of God). The week before Christmas tragedy struck his department. On the way to work one evening Khun Tidt, a security guard, was killed in a scooter accident leaving behind a young wife, a 7 year-old son and 5 year-old daughter. As far as we know Khun Tidt and his family are not believers. On December 22 we attended a traditional Thai Buddhist funeral and the experience left us heart-broken.
Khun Tidt's widow, daughter, son and friend
We followed the two song taos (pick-up taxis) that were full of the Thai staff from the school to a Buddhist temple north of the city. Once there we had the opportunity to greet Khun Tidt’s widow and children. We were surprised to see that his son was dressed in a Buddhist monk’s robe complete with shaved head. We were told that this was customary for a son or close family member to go through the rites to become a monk to gain favor for the deceased. This practice may only last for a few days but they believe it will still create merit for the next life. The coffin was placed in an ornate funeral cart surrounded by flowers. His picture was on placed on a separate wheeled cart and it too was decorated with flowers.
Funeral cart with coffin on display at the temple.
We ate a lunch of bitter vegetables, pork nam prik, chicken wings and sticky rice and then the superintendent of GIS gave the eulogy which was translated into Thai. This concluded the first portion of the funeral and it was then time to move to the crematorium for the cremation ceremony. Buddhist monks stood on the four corners of the casket sprinkling water and chanting. After this the funeral guest took up the two long ropes that were attached to the front of the ornate funeral cart and began pulling the cart toward the crematorium. We all walked together while music played. Neighbors came out and paid their respects as the procession passed.
Funeral Processionl
Passing Over Ceremony
At the crematorium the passing over ceremony began. They believe that this will cause the spirit of the deceased to pass from this life to his next. What the next will look like is determined by how much merit he earned while living. Honored guest are asked to give merit on behalf of the dead by presenting the monks with pieces of their robes. One by one the guest come forward and place the robes on a table in front of the funeral cart. A long ribbon was draped from the casket to the table connecting the two. Several times during this process the monks came forward to chant and pour water from one vessel to another symbolizing the spirits passing over.
Cutting Banana to Sever Relationship with the Deceased
The last portion of the passing over ceremony was when my heart completely broke. A banana was placed on the funeral cart and together Kuhn Tidt’s wife and children cut it in two. This symbolized their desire to sever their relationship with their husband and father. As painful as that is to think about what came next is when I lost it. As soon as the banana was cut Kuhn Tidt’s widow grabbed the children’s hands and ran to an awaiting scooter. A family friend was waiting with engine running so that as soon as the three were on board he sped away as quickly as possible. The family ran not out of grief but out of fear. They were fearful that the spirit of the man that they loved would follow them and haunt them. Can you imagine losing a spouse or a parent and the love you had for them being overwhelmed with fear? I cannot explain how deeply this hurt me to watch.
Crematorium
Once the immediate family left, the cremation ceremony began. The casket was moved from the funeral cart and placed in the crematorium. The ornate cart was placed on a funeral pyre to the side. The casket was opened and the body was washed with coconut water. They are fearful that the spirit will return to the body at this point and the washing of water prevents this from happening. We were all invited to come forward and pay our final respects. We were given paper flowers that were to be placed in the coffin. Then the coffin was closed and the door to the crematorium was shut. So that the fires could be ignited.
Ornate Funeral Cart
The ornate funeral cart was the first to be burned. Fireworks built into the cart ignited the flames and produces a loud wailing sound as if the cart itself mimicked the grief and anguish of the crowd. To say it was eerie is an understatement. From the burning cart a cord had been strung to the crematorium. A spark traveled through this cord a started the fire beneath the coffin.
At this point the crowd began to disperse. As we turned to go we noticed that fire on the funeral cart had died down and people began to frantically pour accelerant to reignite the flames. We were told this was a very bad omen. This showed that the deceased was not ready to leave this life. Fear was compounded on fear.
It was one week ago today that Kevin and I attended the funeral. We are still processing. We have come face to face with the hopelessness, the lostness that surrounds us. Kuhn Tidt’s fellow security guards are shaken to their core. Some have already said that they have seen his spirit at work creating fear.
We covet your prayers as Kevin and the rest of the Christian staff at GIS try to breath life giving truth into their dark and horrifying world. May the God of all truth, love, and mercy set them free from the shackles of fear that the enemy is using to keep them blinded to life.
Receiving is hard. Independence is our goal from an early age. It is what we are taught. It is what is expected. I guess this is why when Jesus teaches us to come to Him, abide in Him, we struggle. I know I do. I am definitely a ‘try harder’ kind of person.
Our motivation is innocent enough. We just want to do all that we can to please God. We want to share His love with a dying world. We want to serve others. We do all this for JESUS. We work hard, very hard. The only problem is that we are doing it all in our own strength and we end up exhausted.
As we have read and studied chapter three we have realized just how hard we have been working to do good things. We also realize that we are tired. The bottom line is Jesus does not want us to do things for Him. He wants us to let Him do His work in us and through us. My job is to receive from Him and let Him have His way in my heart and my life.
The second thing that stood out in this chapter is this:
Jesus moves toward needy people.
For some reason it seems very unspiritual to be needy. We buy into the lie that a good Christian has it all together. We don’t need help and we don’t need God. This is the opposite of what scripture teaches. Over and over again, Jesus went to the needy. He sought them. He healed them. He loved them. The Pharisees were the ones that had it all together and Jesus rebuked them.
We spend most of our time relying on our own resources such as our education, our finances, or our connections. Only when circumstances come into our lives that we can’t handle or fix do we turn to God. This is exactly where I find myself today. Circumstances over the last month have brought me to the place where I realize my need for Jesus. Even though it is never my intention, I have been doing it all on my own. Lovingly and graciously God has quietly watched as I struggled and strained under the weight of self-sufficiency until I came to the end of my rope. Now, I am hanging on by a thread and I am crying out to Jesus just one simple word, “Help!” His responses to my desperate cry is, “I’m here what do you need from me?” My answer…. “Everything!”
What have you asks Jesus for?
Preview of Chapter Four
Key Verse:
After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. Acts 4:31
Highlight:
Over a period of time God’s Spirit will begin to fill us up, as we receive and depend on Him. He’ll keep filling us up and filling us up until all of the sudden there will be a river flowing out of us.
Well, what does that look like? It might be boldness. It might be joy. It might be the power to forgive. It might be peace in the midst of a “hellacious” storm in your life. It might be patience around someone who literally drives you crazy. It is about the Spirit of God filling you up and releasing His power through you.
Question:
In what area of your life do you need God to release His power through you? What are you doing to abide in Him so that you might receive His power?
In chapter one the author, Dave Busby, made it clear that we are all hard wired with a thirst. In the beginning of chapter 2 he make’s it clear that we all have a plan to satisfy this thirst. So the first question is “what is your plan”? Or maybe you’ve done life a particular way for so long that this part of your heart is calloused or cauterized? And your heart has convinced you that not only are you good but you are doing way better than your neighbor. Some one please look up the verse about the heart being deceitful above all else.
Let me tell you about a phenomenon I see here in the mission field. It’s what I will call “the Tea bag” illustration. You see Missionaries are Amazingly resourceful people! (they Must be to survive) This resourcefulness really is quite amazing and I am learning a great deal watching and being a part of this resourcefulness.
The other day I was sharing a cup of tea with some of my coworkers. When one of them said, ‘I don’t need an entire single size bag of tea for my cup, may I dip your bag into my cup just a couple of quick dips should do?’. I can’t speak for you but when I enjoy a cup of tea, I will squeeze every last drop of the bag into my cup for Full Flavor. But apparently, this workmate of mine will reuse a tea bag Multiple times before they retire the exhausted tea bag. My question is “at what point has it stopped being a tea bag and become simply a bag with expired tea grounds in it”?
Here’s the illustration: You see for years Missionaries due to their resourcefulness have used and reused the same tea bags for years for many reasons and most of them legitimate reasons. And at some point have forgotten what the “Tea” taste like. And when they ask ‘for tea’ and you give them a cup of tea it is easily rejected. Not because it is a cup of tea but because somewhere along the way they’ve grown accustomed to a plan ole flavorless bag of “tea”. And by default have substituted the real for a flavorless substitute.
That is NOT a criticism of missionaries in any stretch of the imagination. These people have left behind most everything to share with a lost world the saving Grace of Jesus Christ.
The point of the illustration is “to see how easy it is to become comfortable doing life and not realize just how far we have moved off of center”.
So when Dave ask, “ what is your thirst or what is your plan?” it is easy to not do the heart work and respond with “I’m thirsty for Jesus and I don’t have a plan”. I would remind you of the “tea bag” let that set on your heart for a while.
My people have committed to evils; they have forsaken the fountain of living waters and they have taken shovels and are digging wells, broken wells, which can hold no water.”
Jeremiah 2:13
So What is Sin?
It almost embarrassing for me to confess this (almost). I’ve always understood as a non Christian that it was the fact that I was a sinner that kept me apart from God (understood). But as a Christian growing up with a fundamentalist background Sin had become this itemized list of things you don’t do. And then it becomes a matter of just not doing the things on the list (or polishing the cup) being careful to always present yourself as “one who has it all together”. Dave’s answer to the question what is Sin? Sin is trying to meet my inside thirst independent of God. Good-bye God hello, false well. Apparently, we all have more in-common with the “woman at the well” then we originally thought.
Are you tired of Digging? I say put down the shovel and turn to the “Living Water for thirst quenching” Or to borrow an old soda advertisement “Obey your Thirst”.
We are praying for you and are truly thankful and blessed that you are a part of what God is doing in Thailand through us. Our boys are growing in so many ways here in Thailand. We believe if our boys can in their own way get their heart around “understanding their thirst, and how to quench this thirst” it would be revolutionary. You can pray with us in this way.
Preview of Chapter Three
Key Verse
And on the last and greatest day of the feast Jesus stood and shouted, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
John 7:37
Highlight
If Jesus Christ pulled up a chair next to you and ask a simple question, “what do you want me to do for you?” What would you tell Him?
“If any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in Me,” as the Scriptures said, “From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.” John 7:38
Are you thirsty? The truth of the matter is we are all thirsty. Deep within us there is a thirst put there by God, and it can only be quenched by Him. Chapter one of “The Heart of the Matter,” by Dave Busby, pointed out that we are all thirsty for a love that is free, a love that is strong, and a reason to live.
Over the years Kevin and I both would say, that we have been doing the dance to earn love from others. If I am to be honest, I must say that I am one heck of a dancer. I spent my childhood and teens as a dancing fool. I danced to gain popularity. I danced to be noticed. The bottom line was I dancing to be loved. I was tired. Then Jesus called me to his side and I began to learn of his great love for me. I can’t say that dancing for others approval stopped immediately but eventually my dancing days became fewer and fewer. Now, most days I live in the freedom and rest of undeserved grace. However, there are times when I find myself exhausted and it never fails, I look down at my feet and realize I have laced up my old habits and the dance has begun once again. And as we pray for our 3 boys we have found two hearts one that is a ‘dancer’ and ‘bored heart’.
So what about you? What are you thirsty for, a love that is free, a love that won’t let you down, or a reason to get out of bed in the morning? Whatever you need the answer is clear. The answer is Jesus. He said, “Come to Me.” He said, “Believe Me.” Go to Jesus. Take Him at His word and ask Him to quench the thirst deep within.
PREVIEW OF CHAPTER TWO
KEY VERSE
“My people have committed two evils; they have forsaken the fountain of living waters and they have taken shovels and are digging wells, broken wells, which can hold no water.”
Jeremiah 2:13
HIGHLIGHT
When you are thirsty you look for something to drink. The question is where do go to quench your thirst?
QUESTION
What is Sin?
CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR NOTES AND DISCUSSIONS FROM CHAPTER TWO AND A PREVIEW OF CHAPTER THREE.
From Kevin... I had the opportunity to spend some quality time alone with God recently. Unfortunately it coincided with the 4 days I spent in the hospital, go figure. While there I read "The Heart of the Matter, Moving from the external pressure of religion to the internal passion of Christianity" by Dave Busby. When I was young man I had the opportunity to meet him. He was an incredible man who loved the Lord with a passion and intensity that is rarely seen. The things I learned from him changed me and since then I have never met a man more honest and full of the Spirit of God.
The book is a very simple and quick read but Anjie and I believe that the principals found there can revolutionize a life. This book has challenged us to examine our hearts, and we have decided to read it to our boys as well. We would like to invite you to join with us too.
If you would like to be a part we challenge you to spend some time praying specifically for God to reveal the condition of your heart. Then follow along with us while we read and discuss this book. Anjie and I will create some discussion questions for our family based on each chapter and we'll share them with you each Monday. We would love to hear what God is doing in your lives as well. The first round of discussion questions will come out Monday, November 17th. If you decide to follow along we are quite certain you will be blessed!
KEY VERSE:Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’” John 37:37-38
HIGHLIGHT: We must begin by looking within. Are you thirsty? The bottom line is we are all thirsty. God created with us this thirst in hopes that it would draw us to Him, but often we look everywhere else to be satisfied.
QUESTION: With which thirst, thirst for love and acceptance, thirst for a love that is strong, or thirst for a reason to live, do you most relate? Why?
CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR NOTES AND DISCUSSIONS FROM CHAPTER ONE AND THE PREVIEW FOR CHAPTER TWO!
Something I have discovered about myself in the last four months…I am a first-world kind of girl. This has come as a bit of a shock to me. I mean, I knew that I loved my first-world country but I didn’t think I was as addicted to the comfort of living there as I am.
I guess I was fooled because in the states I felt a bit odd. Through out Kevin and I’s marriage we have always had enough but rarely an excess. For ten years we lived in a neighborhood that my children fondly refer to as “the hood.” Over those years we grew accustom to graffiti, questionable people in our alley late at night, and the occasional sound of gunfire. To put those things on paper seems very stark, however, it was home and we loved our time there. Honestly, it was hard to move.
Another reason I thought I was ready for third-world living was that we rarely had anything that was new. Our last truck was well over ten years-old and had 200,000 miles. We loved that truck. Most all of our home furnishings were hand me downs or purchase used at GREAT discounts. We laughed (if I were honest I’d say we were prideful) that in 20 years of marriage we had never purchase a TV. We watched the huge and extremely heavy box TV years after the flat-screen came on the scene. I can even say that most all of our clothes were purchase used at thrift stores or were hand me downs. We lived lean, and I was proud of that.
Pride is the key word here. I was prideful and I felt I was better than others because I was content to do with less or even without. This pride came to the surface on a recent trip to Bangkok.
October Break was upon us and we decided to travel to Bangkok on the over night train. When Kevin and I booked our tickets we requested an air-conditioned car with sleeping berths. However, we choose 2nd class because we did not want to be pretentious. I had no idea that this trip would reveal just how much of a snob I really am.
When we arrived at the train station, the discomfort began immediately. There were two trains side by side, the Special Express Train to Bangkok and our train the Express Train to Bangkok. The Special Express train was sleek and shiny with relatively new cars. All I can say about our train…it was NOT.
Most of the cars on our train where old and rusted. In fact I was pretty sure that the only thing holding one of the cars together was the rust. I envisioned that car splitting in two somewhere between Chiang Mai and our destination. As we walked passed the dining car we saw picnic tables with plastic chairs for a dining room and I quickly shut my eyes so I couldn’t see the kitchen. What I don’t know won’t hurt me, right? The accommodations on the train ranged from simple bench seats, cushioned airline type seats and cars with sleeping berths, and our car was the only one that had the luxury of air-conditioning.
Our car was the nicest on the train, however I still found myself a bit distressed. I have never been one to worry about germs but I quickly pulled out my hand sanitizer. The car was not as clean as I am used to, and I had to resist the urge to run when I saw the bathroom. It was a squatty potty (see photo). To top it all off it was not connected to plumbing but instead it had a hole where the waste dropped straight onto the track (note to self….don’t ever walk on a train track in Thailand).
I laid in my bed that night waiting for the train to stop so I could go to the bathroom. Let’s just say the rocking and rolling of a train car and a squatty potty are not a good combination. I kept telling myself, “This is an adventure, I can handle this,” but somewhere along the way the realization hit me…I am not handling this. All I can think about is, “Thank goodness I booked a nice hotel!” I am spoiled rotten. Ouch!
The majority of Thailand lives in third-world conditions. I am embarrassed when I think about my attitude. I HAVE NEVER EVERY GONE WITHOUT, not really. I have always had food, a roof over my head, and a nice clean, comfortable bed. I may not of had a new car but I have always had a way to get where I needed to be. I am rich.
God has called me here to this land where so many have so little. I am supposed to be salt and light. How can I do that when I get bent out of shape over plumbing? It is clear that God has a work to do in me. I am thankful that He doesn’t require perfection from His servants. He knew how squeamish I was when He called me here. One of the mystery of walking by faith is that even though I am prideful and spoiled God has a plan to use me anyway. I don’t see how, but I am grateful that He does.
DISCLAIMER: We have found the following video to be incredibly insightful, convicting, and humorous, HOWEVER, if you will be offended by a REFERENCE to an inappropriate word…DO NOT WATCH.
