Quest for Food

Day two, Chiang Mai…When we arrived we were greeted by fiends who were so happy that we were finally here. They graciously picked us and all of our stuff up at the airport and escorted us to where we would be staying. We were elated to find that they had stocked the fridge with all that we would need to get us going. 48 hours later my children have devoured everything in sight and I have to find more food. Easy enough right? Oh wait, there's in NOT and HEB around the corner. 

Today we set out to find the grocery store and the mall. Kevin got behind the wheel and I pulled out the map. The mall was easy enough to find after we got lost a couple of times. Yes, I was navigating but in my defense, the road signs are in Thai and the names on my map are in English, so give me a break. 

By the time we got to the mall it was lunch time so we decided to get something to eat. We walked through the Thai food court. My goal is to one day be comfortable enough to order and eat there but that wasn’t going to happen today. Hopefully we got out of there without offending to many people because my children where having a hard time with the smell. The boys saw a Pizza Hut sign and that was all they needed.

After the mall Kevin asked me if I wanted to drive. Drive? I am still having a hard time being a passenger. They drive on the left side of the road and Thai driving rules are merely suggestions. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! As Kevin stood there holding out the keys I decided it was time to put on my big girl panties anad get behind the wheel. The boys were mostly encouraging but I did hear, “We’re gonna die!” a time or two coming from the backseat.

We made it to the grocery store and we were all thankful when I parked. The store we went into was sort of like a Wal-Mart. They had a little bit of everything, or so it seemed. You could buy everything from scooters to dish soap to fruits and vegetables, but there were a couple of staples that I just couldn’t find, bread and sugar. Two aisles of ramen noodles and potato chips but no bread?? Finally, I did find a very (I mean very) small loaf of bread in a specialty shop down stairs. I still haven’t found the sugar. Sorry, Ethan, no sweet tea for you!

Life is going to be different. Right now, it all seems a little overwhelming. I have two teenage boys to feed and I’m not real sure how I am going to do that. They are hungry all the time. All I can say is, “Lord, help us!” I am clinging to hope that a year from now I will look back and laugh. It will get figured out and we will learn to live in a new normal. There is a lot of stress in this process but I think there is a silver lining…I might just drop a few pounds until I learn how to shop!

A Note From 36,000 Feet

Well we did it. We sold most everything packed up what was left into 13 suitcases and 3

Just before take-off!

boxes and we got on a plane to a foreign country. Right now we are somewhere over Canada with our home Texas far behind. Before us lies our new home, Thailand. 

If I stop and think about what we are doing I am hit with the realization that we MUST be crazy. We put our three children, two of which had never flown before, on an airplane and now we are jetting off into the great unknown. We don’t even know where we will live! Yes, it is a bit insane but an overwhelming peace covers me. The peace that comes from months of God showing Himself over and over again proving that this journey is all about Him and we are really just along for the ride. 

The past couple months have been fraught with one challenge after another. Some of the challenges have been physical, like trying to dismantle a house after 21 years of marriage. Some of the challenges have been emotional, like walking beside my father in the last few weeks of his life and then burying his ashes the day before I got on the plane. Some of the challenges have been spiritual, like fighting against the fiery darts of the enemy that come not only from outside sources but also from within my very own heart. Nothing that God calls us to is ever easy. We have and enemy who continually seeks to kill, steal, and destroy.

The future is still unclear. What will God do? How we will rise to His challenge and how we will fail miserably? I am sure in the next year we will experience all. Today I look toward tomorrow and I pray, “God, You are our only hope. Please don’t let go!” It may seem a desperate plea but the one thing I have learned following God for the last 26 years…Only when God is your only hope do you truly realize that He is all that you need. 

The Wheels Fell Off

Telling your children two of whom are teenagers that you plan to uproot them and take them to a foreign country is a challenge. We had been counseled to NOT tell them, “Pack your bags we’re leaving,” but instead we should invite them to be a part of the decision making process. Kevin and I jumped on this idea wholeheartedly because we were confident that going to Thailand was exactly what God wanted. Surely God would instill the same confidence in them if they would just listen to Him. Being who I am I thought all I needed to do was train them how to seek God, listen for His voice and all will be well.

In order to do this I came up with a brilliant plan. I would put together a short prayer guide with scripture to read and questions to ponder. All of which would help them identify their fears and concerns but would also show them how obedience to God is worth facing whatever would come our way. On a beautiful summer day Kevin and I planned to take the boys to our family’s favorite park. There we would all spend some time alone listening for God, talk about what God had said, and then spend the rest of the day enjoying some family fun. It sounded so perfect. It was going to be a scene worthy of a Hallmark commercial, but instead it was the day the wheels fell off the bus bound for Thailand.

The day came for the big family prayer retreat and we never made it the park. Shelby was passed out from exhaustion and we could barely get him to crack an eye. Ethan was in a terrible mood and was adamant that, “I don’t want to go anywhere!” Jon was the only one willing to go, but by this time both Kevin and I’s moods were beginning to implode. It was time for Plan B.

Plan B consisted of dropping the bomb shell, “God is calling us to be missionaries in Thailand,” in our living room. Then we sent the boys to their rooms with my helpful prayer guide and told them, “Go listen to God.” Everyone went to their separate corners in a huff and I prayed, “Please God do something!”

God did do something that day but it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted all the boys jumping on the bus to Thailand with joy in their heart. Instead, God just cracked the door. The boys were honest with us. One said, “God may be calling you to Thailand but my mission field is right here.” Another said, “I’m just not going.” One was in tears. It wasn’t the outcome we were hoping for, but it was a healthy place to start. Over the next few weeks Kevin met with each one of the boys on their terms. Conversations were started and hearts began to soften. Now, months and many conversations later, there is an excitement growing in our boy’s hearts. Moving half-way around the world will still be hard but they are looking forward to the adventure of it all.  

Telling our boys that God was asking us to move to Thailand was not the Hallmark moment we expected, but God taught us a critical lesson that day. On this journey of faith we can’t control the outcome. There will be days when the wheels fall off and when that happens…all you can do is hang on and trust.

I'm Not Ready

I am asking my children to be mature beyond their years. Being on board, even excited about moving to foreign country is a hard concept for an adult let alone a teenage boy. Of all my kids Shelby has the most to lose in this process. He is a junior in high school. He has a good group of friends and is highly involved with his swim team. This move will cost him his senior year with those he has grown to love over the past three years. For him my heart breaks.

Because I have the gift of years on him, I can see what an amazing opportunity this is. I know that these experiences with give him a perspective of God and this world He created that he can’t get by staying put. I also see something that God has planted deep inside Shelby’s heart (a seed of service and compassion) that this experience will nurture. I believe that this journey has the potential to revolutionize his entire world. I can see this, but it is hard for a teen-age boy.

Shelby has struggled. For a long time he was unwilling to share with his swim team that he would be moving. He worried that he will be letting them down. Because of this, it was especially hard for him when he shared with his swim coach what was going on. The day he did, it caught me by surprise.

When I picked Shelby up from swim practice, he informed me that he didn’t have to move to Thailand after all. The coach had said that he would find a place for him to live so that he could finish his senior year with his team and his friends. Needless to say this comment hit me like ton of bricks. I was furious. I was confused. I was heartbroken. How could he even consider this as an option? I asked him if he really felt he was ready to live apart from us, from me? He answered with a tentative, “Yes, I could.”  My emotions caught me by surprise and I responded, “Shelby, I’m not ready to be away from you.”

In that moment I was transported back to a time with a little boy in my back seat who cried all the way to kindergarten. He cried and I consoled. I promised him it would be okay and then pried him from my arms and left him with his teacher. Day after day we repeated the same heart wrenching scene until one day I couldn’t stand it anymore. As Shelby cried and begged me not to make him go, I lost it. I broke down and cried myself. Through tears I told him that I was sorry that I had to make him but he had to go. It was the best thing for him. When I finished my true confession, I looked back to see a little boy surprised that his momma felt his pain. That was the last day he cried about going to school.

Since I told Shelby that I wasn’t ready to let him go, he hasn’t talked anymore of staying behind. I know he is still struggling with the sacrifice that he will have to make, but I hope he sees that just like when he was struggling with going to kindergarten his momma does feel his pain.   

Fear, Faith, and ADHD

For years Shelby has been taking medication for ADHD. Six weeks into first grade it became clear that he had some learning issues. As we began to do test seeking a diagnosis we were immediately told that he had ADHD and he needed medication. We refused to put him on medication and fought this diagnosis for over a year. Then one day while I was sitting with Shelby as he read I realized that eyes darted to and fro as he tried to read. He simply could not focus on the words. It was then that I knew he needed help. Medication made a HUGE difference in his ability to focus and learn and for the past 9 years it has been a normal part of his life.

When we knew that God was calling us to Thailand you can imagine that one of my first questions was about whether or not we would be able to get Shelby’s medication. We soon learned that his medication is not available but we were told that we could bring in medications with us as long as we have a letter from a doctor. “Great!” I thought. We will just bring what we need.

A few weeks ago I began the research to find out exactly what was involved with bringing a year’s supply into the country.  It was thenI found out that Shelby’s medication is considered a class 2 drug which means not only is it unavailable in Thailand but you CANNOT bring it into the country, either. What?!? So now, we asking Shelby to adjust to a new school, new country and new culture without his medication. 

When this reality hit I panicked. I thought we can’t do this. It is way too much to ask. How could we do this to him? This is a setting him up for disaster! As I began to pray (it was really complaining), God answered, “Have faith.” What do you mean, have faith? This makes no sense! Then it hit me…walking by faith most often DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

I want to be a woman of faith. I want to follow God in every way, but when that journey of faith interferes with what I think is best for my kids my resolve is replaced with hesitation and fear. I can let go of my life but letting go of my children is another story.

The bottom line is Shelby will be going off his medication and life will be different. I am scared but I am trusting that God’s got this. This detail has not caught God by surprise. He has known this from the beginning. I am asking God to do something amazing. I have no idea what the next year is going to look like and honestly I am still a little anxious. My fear is not gone but I am choosing to trust. I will walk by faith and believe that a year from now the fear will be replaced with praise for all that God has done.

A Whole New Gross

There are certain things that have caught me by surprise being the mother of three boys. Having to say, “Get off the roof,” multiple times in one day and having a lawn mower that is pimped out complete with skull gear shifter and racing flames are just a couple of them. You would think after 18 years my ability to be surprised by what happens in my home would have begun to wain but a couple of weeks ago we reached a whole new level of ‘You have got to be kidding me!’

On Saturday it was time to clean rooms. Now I am not one to be a stickler for tidiness but the fact that I could smell my older boy’s rooms from the hallway meant it was time to draw a line in the sand. Ethan’s room smelled like a locker room and Shelby’s…well, let’s just say there was an oder coming from his that went beyond smelly socks and teenage boy funk. The ultimatum was delivered, “If you want to go to the movies then your laundry must be done and room completely cleaned.” Both boys were eager to go to the movies so they quickly went to work.

Not long after they started Shelby came into the kitchen with a stunned look on his slightly green face. Our conversation went something like this:

Shelby: Mom, I think I found out what is making my room smell weird.

Me: Well, whatever it is clean it up and get it out of your room.

Shelby: But, Mom, a few days ago Ethan killed a squirrel in the back yard.

Me: Yeah, so?

Shelby: I think the dog put it under my bed.

Me: WHAT?!?

Yes, there was a dead decaying squirrel under my son’s bed delivering its lovely fragrance to our home not to mention what it was doing to my carpet! I can honestly say I WAS MORTIFIED!!! I mean a lot of really gross things have happened over the years like the time two HUGE cockroaches crawled out of Shelby’s lunch in Pre-K (yes, that is a story for another blog) but this was over the top gross. Shelby was a trooper about it all. He and a close, I mean really close, friend tied handkerchieves around their faces put on gloves and went on the retrieval mission. The squirrel was removed but the oder was another issue. 

This was one situation where it was completely legitimate to blame the dog. She is such a sweet thing, but oh my goodness, what was she thinking! It has been a couple of weeks and the oder and my embarrassment have finally subsided. 

I will never get the suzy homemaker award for keeping the perfect home but that’s ok. I am an imperfect mom raising imperfect children. Our life is a journey of ups and down, glorious moments and totally gross ones, too. I might be mortified every now and then but I wouldn't change a thing because it is a really fun ride.

Flying by Faith

Recently I was tasked with explaining the concept of walking by faith to elementary students. If you want to really get a grip on the truth of a subject try to figure out a way to explain it to a child. The story below is what God gave me.

Perched on a ridge high above a vast valley were four birds. Three of the birds were eagles proud and noble. The fourth was a penguin somewhat out of place. As all four of the birds looked across the valley they searched for thermals. These rising columns of invisible air are every birds dream because if he happened to fly into one he can soar for hours searching for food. Without the thermals finding food is difficult and exhausting.

The penguin stood on the edge and told the other birds tales of riding the thermals for hours. He explained how he managed to locate the invisible winds and exactly what one must do to stay aloft riding the air for hours. The penguin was very convincing, so convincing that the eagles almost believed that this penguin had actually experienced the amazing lift of a thermal, but of course, the penguin never left the cliff. After all, he was a penguin and penguins don’t fly.

The first eagle stood on the edge of the cliff worried and scared. He had been taught that thermals are out there waiting to be found, but he couldn’t see them. In order to discover a thermal he knew that he must jump and fly down toward the bottom of the valley. As he imagined doing this visions of what could go wrong filled his head. What if I crash? What if I can’t find one and I am too tired to fly back home? The worries of what could happen kept his feet firmly planted on the ridge. He would have a hard time finding food and would not experience the joy of soaring high above the earth.

The second eagle stood on the edge of the cliff confident that he knew exactly what to do. He knew for sure that he would be able to find all the food he needed. He looked across the valley and pinpointed exactly where he thought a thermal should be. With great vigor and enthusiasm he jumped from the cliff and dove toward the bottom. He adjusted his course so that he was headed for the location that he believed contained a thermal. As he flew he felt his right wing tip toward the sky. This unexpected gust of wind knocked him off course. He fought to correct his path, but he kept experiencing the nudge of an invisible draft pulling him in a different direction. The eagle was determined to not allow this wind to take him away from where he wanted to go. He wrestled and fought all the way to the area where he was convinced the thermal would be, but nothing was there, no wind, no lift, no soaring. Exhausted from fighting so hard to get where he wanted to be the eagle fell to the earth.

The third eagle stood on the edge of the cliff excited and a little scared. He looked out over the valley not knowing where he would find a thermal and this made him cautious. All of his life he had heard the stories about thermals. Catching a thermal and soaring far above the valley was not only the best way to find food, but it was also the most exhilarating way to fly. The eagle looked over the edge and took a deep breath. He was certain the thermals were there but there was only one way to find out, diving off the edge. The eagle dove and zoomed toward the bottom of the valley. As he flew he carefully paid attention. The moment he felt the tip of his wing lift toward the sky, he turned toward it. Immediately the eagle felt the rush of the thermal carrying him high above the valley. The eagle spread his wings and let the current carry him where it wanted. Effortlessly he soared for hours. He did find plenty of food that day but the greatest thing he found was the joy of soaring through the clouds.

The point of it all is:

1. Faith is where our journey begins. From the moment of salvation we become creatures destined to walk by faith.

2. Faith must not stop with salvation. Don't let fear and what you want rob you of the joys of faith.

So do you relate to one of the birds? Which one? It is time to jump and let God take you where He wants you to go.