Tone Deaf

Me in Thai Class

It is no secret that I am NOT a singer, and in the past I have been accused of being tone deaf. This label has never really bothered me but my recent endeavor to learn the Thai language has left me wishing I were a bit more musical.

Just as music relies upon tones, the Thai language is tonal. This means that the meanings of words are often tied to the tone you use when saying them. For example:

Khaw means rice when said with a falling tone.

Khaw means him or her when said with a middle tone.

Khaw means white when said with a rising tone.

Confused yet?? You.Have.No.Idea. My time with my Thai teacher goes something like this:

Teacher: Khaw (with a falling tone)

Me: Khaw (With what I think is a falling tone)

Teacher: Khaw (With the exact same tone as I just said)

Me: Khaw (once again, I repeat exactly what she has just said)

Teacher: Khaw (with a very deliberate falling tone)

Me: Khaw (For the third time, I repeat a word that sounds exactly like what the teacher has said but now I say it really slow and loud because that’s what you do in the south when you are trying to make someone understand what you are saying)

Teacher: (Finally giving up) Okay, you just need to keep practicing

The problem is…I can’t hear the difference! Obviously, what my teacher is hearing is NOT what I am hearing.  I really am tone deaf! Yes, I get frustrated but I will not give up! 

The one thing I know I need to do is practice, so I have committed to use Thai as much as I can. This has caused me a bit of trouble. Like one day when our landlord brought over two workers to harvest the bananas that are growing in our yard. My Southern hospitality kicked in and I wanted to offer them something to drink. I walked out on to our carport and said to one of the workers, “Hang Nam?” He stopped in his tracks and looked at me a bit confused. I thought he must not have heard me so I repeated, “Hang Nam?” The look he gave me in return went beyond confusion to awkwardly uncomfortable. That look triggered the realization that all though I thought I was saying, “Thirsty?” I was really saying, “Bathroom?”  Yes, I wish I could blame it on tone, but I was saying the wrong word entirely. I can’t image what the poor guy thought, “Who is this crazy white lady who is encouraging me to go to the bathroom??” 

My attempts to use Thai leave many scratching their heads. Even when I say the correct word it is often accompanied by the hand signals we use in class to help us remember. There I was standing at a counter trying to explain that I couldn’t find the card the sales person was asking for. I was saying, “Mi haa.” Which means, “I can’t find.” I kept repeating the right words but all the while I am using my hands as if I am digging in the dirt. Again, the salesperson is looking at me as if I have lost my mind! Maybe, I have!

I will keep trying and I am sure I will have many more stories of embarrassing encounters. I will continue to be the strange white lady who says inappropriate things and acts like a crazy person, but one day by the grace of God I will be able to communicate. Until then I will be careful not to call my repairman (chang) an elephant (chang), and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to offer someone a drink without having a potty mouth!

Return to Sender

Only in Texas

We are back in Chiang Mai and Elvis is in my head. Before you panic and think that culture shock has finally sent me over the edge there is a very good reason why Elvis has taken up residence. We have one English radio station and their idea of what Westerners listen to is a little off. Happy Radio (now when you say this you have to draw out the endings in your best foreign accent “Happyyyy Radioooo”) plays English songs for a good portion of the day but rarely are the songs from this century. Thais must think that Bob Denver, Karen Carpenter and Elvis are currently in the top 40. I will say the Elvis theme is a bit unusual. We haven’t quite figured this out. Now I enjoy Elvis, however, this is ALL they play. I never knew, nor did I want to know how many songs Elvis recorded. 

A couple of days ago I woke in the night with “Return to Sender” playing in my head. As I laid there hoping, praying the concert would end and I could go back to sleep I began thinking how strange it was. Strange, not that our radio station is from a time long forgotten, but strange that it all felt so normal. Just one short year ago I was experiencing life here for the first time and let me tell you NOTHING WAS NORMAL. I can remember walking in the grocery store staring at the isles (yes, I mean multiple) of rice and fish sauce wondering how in the world I was going to feed three teenage boys. We ate out at any and every western restaurant we could find for weeks. This time, as soon as we landed I walked in the grocery store, filled my basket with things my children would consume, came home, and cooked dinner. What a difference a year makes.

We have become comfortable here, and Thailand is now our home. This is a good thing. This is a goal for every missionary, but for me it has come with a very uncomfortable realization, I adapted too well to my surroundings. Because of this, I have adapted to and completely receive this world in which I live when scripture clearly teaches it is NOT MY HOME. In those first days here in Thailand everything was foreign and uncomfortable and we longed for our real home. Do I long for my heavenly home? Most days…no. Rarely do I find this world uncomfortable and when I do…I conclude something is REALLY wrong and set about to fix it at all cost.  

Maybe being uncomfortable is a good thing? Maybe, just maybe, fitting in should not be our goal? Maybe that night God gave me the song “Return to Sender” as an invitation. He wants me to return to Him. He wants us all to come to Him because of a deep longing within our souls, a need to be home in Him.

Best Day in Thailand

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and the photos I took at Jon and I’s recent excursion to a Lahu village in Northern Thailand prove it to be true. There are pictures of buildings and animals, dirt roads and dirty shoes which tell us bits and pieces of village life, but the faces that were captured speak volumes. Each face tells a story. So many faces, some smiling, some curious, some dirty, some tired, some bitter, and everyone of them loved by God.

It was my best day in Thailand. I could not help but smile as all the children excitedly ran to our van as we pulled up. They knew we had to come to put on a show and to ultimately give them treats. At the entrance to the small outdoor pavilion mounds of discarded shoes piled high as the children found their places on the floor. The adults came too and mostly stood around the perimeter.

To the audience we were not all strangers. Sure the farangs (foreigners) were unknown but six of the children that came with us had once lived in this very village. For them it was a homecoming. They were excited and a bit scared to be back where life had been so hard. These six children had been destitute. Some living without parental care, and some living in homes where they were in danger. Now these children live at Hope House where they are cared for, educated, and shown the love of Jesus in word and deed.   

Our program was all about the love of Jesus. The children from Hope House sang and danced with hearts full of joy which was evident in the smiles that stretched across their faces. In contrast, The audience sat and watched, their faces showing little emotion. As the story of the shepherd and the lost sheep was told I wondered if these children could ever accept that a heavenly father loved them much more than the shepherd loves his sheep. As I looked into their faces I saw that poverty, and hardship are reality and a loving God is fantasy. My heart aches for them to know who my God is. For them to come face to face with Him. 

After our program we all helped the children with a quick craft and then passed out treats. We had to keep close track of who had received a treat to prevent them from getting back in line for seconds. Before we could even finish with the children the women of the community pressed in to be the first in line to take from the bags of clothes we had brought. It would be my guess that this is the only way some of these people clothe themselves and their families. 

I watched the children leave down the red dirt streets that stretched out in each direction. Both sides were lined with simple bamboo homes. Chickens were free to roam the streets and the few pigs were held in crude pens. I was told that a few of the villagers made a living picking crops for the King’s agricultural project located nearby but the majority were involved in illegal activities. This village is very close to the Burmese boarder which makes it the perfect location for drug trafficking.

When Jon and I got home early that evening, Kevin asked me, “So how was it?” I replied, “My best day in Thailand!” How could it be that my best day in Thailand came being surrounded by such poverty and hardship? It was the faces. Those faces captured my heart. Being with them made my spirit soar. As a watched them I ask the Lord, “How can I be apart of showing them who You are?”  

I don’t have the answer to my question yet, but some things are beginning to change. After this school year I will no longer be teaching at Grace International School. I will be joining the Family Connection Foundation (FCF). FCF in an umbrella foundation for multiple ministries all over Thailand. As part of their team I will be able to help their ministries develop discipleship materials. Exactly who these materials will be for remains to be seen, but maybe, just maybe I will get the chance to go back to that village one day. Next year begins a new adventure. I’m not really sure what it will look like but I am excited. My passion is to show the world who God is and who it is He wants them to become. My prayer is one day I will be able to see the joy of knowing God on the faces of those village children. 

The Passionate Heart

One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?”  Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ Mark 12: 28-30

This week we learn that our motto should be: keep the main thing the main thing but “what is the main thing?”  I can’t speak for you but I meet Christians daily that are working so hard to please to God.  And as a direct result they are EXHASTED. As if this work that He has invited us to be a part of will collapse without my involvement.  After all without my gifts, talents or education this particular ministry will fall apart.  I have placed myself in a treacherous place with very loose footing.  Some would even say, “You’re Building the ministry on the sand”.      

I was reminded of a story in the New Testament.

Luke 10:38-42

 38 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with [a]all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

For those of us who relate to Martha be encouraged, Jesus is NOT Disgusted, Angry, Disappointed or even Distant.  He is NOT saying, ‘come and I will Ignore you’.  “Come to me all that are Thirsty” What great encouragement to share with our boys that ‘Jesus is THE thirst Quencher”.   And His thoughts towards us outnumber all the grains of sand in the world.  He Loves us.  

A passionate love affair with Christ Jesus is the Main thing.  

PREVIEW CHAPTER 6: THE WILLING HEART

Question: Do I have a Willing Heart?

Key Verse: For it is God which works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.   Phil 2:13

The Overflowing Heart

I am so sorry; we missed most all of December with our team.  First we lost our copy of the book and then December took over.  Fortunately, we found our copy of the book and December is behind us. Let us press on.  By the way I’ve started reading excerpts of the book to my immediate support staff in my weekly leadership meeting.  They are very excited.   

THE OVERFLOWING HEART

John 7:37-

“Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out. Saying, ‘if any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  He who believes in me from his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water”.  

What happens when you run into a Christian who is “full of God”?  

What does a “full of God” person look like?  How would we really know if we banged into one of these critters?

Although I agree completely with the examples that Dave Busby sites as examples answering the questions above.   I thought I would let hear what was spoken around our dinner table the other night when we asked these questions to our boys.  

A little background is important here.  In our home there is freedom to laugh at what we call the “Sunday School Answer”.  So if these questions are asked in our home you need to be prepared to be laughed at if you sight the “Sunday School” answer which is or something similar too “Dad, you know you will look like Jesus”.   

So, the question’s were asked and after we distilled all the “Sunday School Answers” one of our son’s replied “so you would look like the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’”.  We had the opportunity to explain that just because you wear the title of “Pastor, or Missionary” does not make you a “Full of God” person.  In fact it’s common among Christians to polish the outside of the cup and just pretend that the inside is “full of God”.   

So the real question may be, how long has it been since you sat underneath the “fountain of living water” and let Him fill your cup? Are you trying to produce the “Fruits of the Spirit” on your own?  Be encouraged we are wired to be thirsty and the one who wired us this way He is also the One who can and does quench our Thirst. The bottom line is....rivers of living water will never flow out of us if they are not flowing into us. 

PREVIEW CHAPTER 5: The Passionate Heart

Key Verse
Mark 12: 28-30

One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?”  Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 

Question:

What is the main thing?

Hopeless Mourning

Grace International School (GIS) is a complicated mix of culture and custom. There is the international community that consist of students and staff form countries all over the world and then stuck in the middle is a bubble of Thai nationals. There are Thai teachers that of course teach the language and customs of the land and there are Thai administrative staff that help the school stay connected and in tune with the community and government. All of these staff members are Christians. Then there is a third Thai community. What we would call the blue-collar staff, landscaping, security, custodial, and kitchen staff. A few of these staff members are believers but many of them are not. Kevin is the supervisor for most of these areas.

Kevin has truly enjoyed working with and getting know the members of his team and they are enjoying his leadership (completely the grace of God). The week before Christmas tragedy struck his department. On the way to work one evening Khun Tidt, a security guard, was killed in a scooter accident leaving behind a young wife, a 7 year-old son and 5 year-old daughter. As far as we know Khun Tidt and his family are not believers. On December 22 we attended a traditional Thai Buddhist funeral and the experience left us heart-broken.  

Khun Tidt's widow, daughter, son and friend

We followed the two song taos (pick-up taxis) that were full of the Thai staff from the school to a Buddhist temple north of the city. Once there we had the opportunity to greet Khun Tidt’s widow and children. We were surprised to see that his son was dressed in a Buddhist monk’s robe complete with shaved head. We were told that this was customary for a son or close family member to go through the rites to become a monk to gain favor for the deceased. This practice may only last for a few days but they believe it will still create merit for the next life. The coffin was placed in an ornate funeral cart surrounded by flowers. His picture was on placed on a separate wheeled cart and it too was decorated with flowers. 

Funeral cart with coffin on display at the temple.

We ate a lunch of bitter vegetables, pork nam prik, chicken wings and sticky rice and then the superintendent of GIS gave the eulogy which was translated into Thai. This concluded the first portion of the funeral and it was then time to move to the crematorium for the cremation ceremony. Buddhist monks stood on the four corners of the casket sprinkling water and chanting. After this the funeral guest took up the two long ropes that were attached to the front of the ornate funeral cart and began pulling the cart toward the crematorium. We all walked together while music played. Neighbors came out and paid their respects as the procession passed.

Funeral Processionl

Passing Over Ceremony

At the crematorium the passing over ceremony began. They believe that this will cause the spirit of the deceased to pass from this life to his next. What the next will look like is determined by how much merit he earned while living. Honored guest are asked to give merit on behalf of the dead by presenting the monks with pieces of their robes. One by one the guest come forward and place the robes on a table in front of the funeral cart. A long ribbon was draped from the casket to the table connecting the two. Several times during this process the monks came forward to chant and pour water from one vessel to another symbolizing the spirits passing over.   

Cutting Banana to Sever Relationship with the Deceased

The last portion of the passing over ceremony was when my heart completely broke. A banana was placed on the funeral cart and together Kuhn Tidt’s wife and children cut it in two. This symbolized their desire to sever their relationship with their husband and father. As painful as that is to think about what came next is when I lost it. As soon as the banana was cut Kuhn Tidt’s widow grabbed the children’s hands and ran to an awaiting scooter. A family friend was waiting with engine running so that as soon as the three were on board he sped away as quickly as possible. The family ran not out of grief but out of fear. They were fearful that the spirit of the man that they loved would follow them and haunt them. Can you imagine losing a spouse or a parent and the love you had for them being overwhelmed with fear? I cannot explain how deeply this hurt me to watch. 

Crematorium

Once the immediate family left, the cremation ceremony began. The casket was moved from the funeral cart and placed in the crematorium. The ornate cart was placed on a funeral pyre to the side. The casket was opened and the body was washed with coconut water. They are fearful that the spirit will return to the body at this point and the washing of water prevents this from happening. We were all invited to come forward and pay our final respects. We were given paper flowers that were to be placed in the coffin. Then the coffin was closed and the door to the crematorium was shut. So that the fires could be ignited.

Ornate Funeral Cart

The ornate funeral cart was the first to be burned. Fireworks built into the cart ignited the flames and produces a loud wailing sound as if the cart itself mimicked the grief and anguish of the crowd. To say it was eerie is an understatement. From the burning cart a cord had been strung to the crematorium. A spark traveled through this cord a started the fire beneath the coffin. 

At this point the crowd began to disperse. As we turned to go we noticed that fire on the funeral cart had died down and people began to frantically pour accelerant to reignite the flames. We were told this was a very bad omen. This showed that the deceased was not ready to leave this life. Fear was compounded on fear.

It was one week ago today that Kevin and I attended the funeral. We are still processing. We have come face to face with the hopelessness, the lostness that surrounds us. Kuhn Tidt’s fellow security guards are shaken to their core. Some have already said that they have seen his spirit at work creating fear.

We covet your prayers as Kevin and the rest of the Christian staff at GIS try to breath life giving truth into their dark and horrifying world. May the God of all truth, love, and mercy set them free from the shackles of fear that the enemy is using to keep them blinded to life.   

  

The Receptive Heart

Receiving is hard. Independence is our goal from an early age. It is what we are taught. It is what is expected. I guess this is why when Jesus teaches us to come to Him, abide in Him, we struggle. I know I do. I am definitely a ‘try harder’ kind of person. 

Our motivation is innocent enough. We just want to do all that we can to please God. We want to share His love with a dying world. We want to serve others. We do all this for JESUS. We work hard, very hard. The only problem is that we are doing it all in our own strength and we end up exhausted. 

As we have read and studied chapter three we have realized just how hard we have been working to do good things. We also realize that we are tired. The bottom line is Jesus does not want us to do things for Him. He wants us to let Him do His work in us and through us. My job is to receive from Him and let Him have His way in my heart and my life.

The second thing that stood out in this chapter is this:

Jesus moves toward needy people.

For some reason it seems very unspiritual to be needy. We buy into the lie that a good Christian has it all together. We don’t need help and we don’t need God. This is the opposite of what scripture teaches. Over and over again, Jesus went to the needy. He sought them. He healed them. He loved them. The Pharisees were the ones that had it all together and Jesus rebuked them.

We spend most of our time relying on our own resources such as our education, our finances, or our connections. Only when circumstances come into our lives that we can’t handle or fix do we turn to God. This is exactly where I find myself today. Circumstances over the last month have brought me to the place where I realize my need for Jesus. Even though it is never my intention, I have been doing it all on my own. Lovingly and graciously God has quietly watched as I struggled and strained under the weight of self-sufficiency until I came to the end of my rope. Now, I am hanging on by a thread and I am crying out to Jesus just one simple word, “Help!” His responses to my desperate cry is, “I’m here what do you need from me?” My answer…. “Everything!” 

What have you asks Jesus for?

Preview of Chapter Four

Key Verse:

After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. Acts 4:31

Highlight: 

Over a period of time God’s Spirit will begin to fill us up, as we receive and depend on Him. He’ll keep filling us up and filling us up until all of the sudden there will be a river flowing out of us. 

Well, what does that look like? It might be boldness. It might be joy. It might be the power to forgive. It might be peace in the midst of a “hellacious” storm in your life. It might be patience around someone who literally drives you crazy. It is about the Spirit of God filling you up and releasing His power through you.

Question: 

In what area of your life do you need God to release His power through you? What are you doing to abide in Him so that you might receive His power?