Thursday, November 6, 2014

My First World Heart

Something I have discovered about myself in the last four months…I am a first-world kind of girl. This has come as a bit of a shock to me. I mean, I knew that I loved my first-world country but I didn’t think I was as addicted to the comfort of living there as I am. 

I guess I was fooled because in the states I felt a bit odd. Through out Kevin and I’s marriage we have always had enough but rarely an excess. For ten years we lived in a neighborhood that my children fondly refer to as “the hood.” Over those years we grew accustom to graffiti, questionable people in our alley late at night, and the occasional sound of gunfire. To put those things on paper seems very stark, however, it was home and we loved our time there. Honestly, it was hard to move. 

Another reason I thought I was ready for third-world living was that we rarely had anything that was new. Our last truck was well over ten years-old and had 200,000 miles. We loved that truck.  Most all of our home furnishings were hand me downs or purchase used at GREAT discounts. We laughed (if I were honest I’d say we were prideful) that in 20 years of marriage we had never purchase a TV. We watched the huge and extremely heavy box TV years after the flat-screen came on the scene. I can even say that most all of our clothes were purchase used at thrift stores or were hand me downs. We lived lean, and I was proud of that.

Pride is the key word here. I was prideful and I felt I was better than others because I was content to do with less or even without. This pride came to the surface on a recent trip to Bangkok.

October Break was upon us and we decided to travel to Bangkok on the over night train. When Kevin and I booked our tickets we requested an air-conditioned car with sleeping berths. However, we choose 2nd class because we did not want to be pretentious. I had no idea that this trip would reveal just how much of a snob I really am.

When we arrived at the train station, the discomfort began immediately. There were two trains side by side, the Special Express Train to Bangkok and our train the Express Train to Bangkok. The Special Express train was sleek and shiny with relatively new cars. All I can say about our train…it was NOT. 

Most of the cars on our train where old and rusted. In fact I was pretty sure that the only thing holding one of the cars together was the rust. I envisioned that car splitting in two somewhere between Chiang Mai and our destination. As we walked passed the dining car we saw picnic tables with plastic chairs for a dining room and I quickly shut my eyes so I couldn’t see the kitchen. What I don’t know won’t hurt me, right? The accommodations on the train ranged from simple bench seats, cushioned airline type seats and cars with sleeping berths, and our car was the only one that had the luxury of air-conditioning. 

Our car was the nicest on the train, however I still found myself a bit distressed. I have never been one to worry about germs but I quickly pulled out my hand sanitizer. The car was not as clean as I am used to, and I had to resist the urge to run when I saw the bathroom. It was a squatty potty (see photo). To top it all off it was not connected to plumbing but instead it had a hole where the waste dropped straight onto the track (note to self….don’t ever walk on a train track in Thailand). 

I laid in my bed that night waiting for the train to stop so I could go to the bathroom. Let’s just say the rocking and rolling of a train car and a squatty potty are not a good combination. I kept telling myself, “This is an adventure, I can handle this,” but somewhere along the way the realization hit me…I am not handling this. All I can think about is, “Thank goodness I booked a nice hotel!” I am spoiled rotten. Ouch! 

The majority of Thailand lives in third-world conditions. I am embarrassed when I think about my attitude. I HAVE NEVER EVERY GONE WITHOUT, not really. I have always had food, a roof over my head, and a nice clean, comfortable bed. I may not of had a new car but I have always had a way to get where I needed to be. I am rich.

God has called me here to this land where so many have so little. I am supposed to be salt and light. How can I do that when I get bent out of shape over plumbing? It is clear that God has a work to do in me. I am thankful that He doesn’t require perfection from His servants. He knew how squeamish I was when He called me here. One of the mystery of walking by faith is that even though I am prideful and spoiled God has a plan to use me anyway. I don’t see how, but I am grateful that He does.


DISCLAIMER: We have found the following video to be incredibly insightful, convicting, and humorous, HOWEVER, if you will be offended by a REFERENCE to an inappropriate word…DO NOT WATCH.


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